I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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