Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
