please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You smell like stripper and shame
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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