apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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