I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
