Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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