he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
