I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
