So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
