OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
