just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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