i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
