Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
