I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
