i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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