Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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