apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
