Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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