I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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