he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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