Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
