My brain says no but my pants say off.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
