The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
