Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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