Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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