for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
