I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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