your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
