the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
