every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
