That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
