wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
