Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
