apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
