don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
