brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
