Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
