how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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