He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
