I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
