Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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