"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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