I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
