i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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