I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
