And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Oh god it's open bar.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
