Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
