its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
