I heard we made out
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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