I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
