Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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