I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
