Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
