I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
