final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
